On Professional Embarrassment

Last night was one of the more embarrassing experiences I've had as a professional musician.

I don't know what details exactly to go into, but I failed quite publicly in front of a group of musicians and was totally called out on it. This was not unnecessary. I was totally sucking.

It is also hard to recount the experience without making a ton of excuses. I have many! Probably the biggest is that I am really terrible at this kind of music. I truly am terrible and despite the work I've done on it, I'm still not doing well. I was made painfully aware of this last night. But, the bottom line is that I've been hired to do a good job of it and so it is my responsibility to make that happen.

I think the catch is, this is not an experience I have often in my adult musical life. I often deal with nerves, but rarely do I deal my blatant inadequacy. It is a wake up call. In the future, I either need to say no, or pull it together and make it happen.

For now, I am embarrassed. I have exactly three days to change my tune, quite literally, or else. What does not kills us, makes us stronger... I suppose.